To most of civilized society death is tragic, life changing, heartbreaking, it leaves a hole the shape of the dearly departed in the lives of those left behind. Not to Barry. To him death was business. It was an missed episode of a show, an interrupted meal, a lousy night’s sleep. Death was many things but it was not sad.
Really like the similes and metaphors. Nice and visual.
One little tip (not that I claim to be any sort of expert!) would be to also go visual in other aspects. For example, in this sentence -- “Ah, yes, of course,” the candy striper said shocked at the word vomit from Barry, “she’s right down the hall. Second to last room on the left.” -- Rather than say the candy striper was shocked, maybe try to show that without saying the words. Like, what did she do with her face, or whatever.
Anyway, enjoyed the story and you've got a new subscriber. ✌️
Really like the similes and metaphors. Nice and visual.
One little tip (not that I claim to be any sort of expert!) would be to also go visual in other aspects. For example, in this sentence -- “Ah, yes, of course,” the candy striper said shocked at the word vomit from Barry, “she’s right down the hall. Second to last room on the left.” -- Rather than say the candy striper was shocked, maybe try to show that without saying the words. Like, what did she do with her face, or whatever.
Anyway, enjoyed the story and you've got a new subscriber. ✌️